Thoughts
by Pookax
Summary: Before October 4th Shinjiro allows his mind to wonder about how things between him and Minako could've possibly been different.


**Disclaimer: I don't own P3P but I do love the characters... far too much.**

**Written for my best friend, Clara, as the back story for a much larger one which I intend to have finished some day...  
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**Be warned! There is likely awful grammar ahead! Reviews are cool. If you spot any errors and feel kind enough to correct them, be sure to let me know as I'll be incredibly grateful.**

**First story I've uploaded in... a long time! **

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Thoughts of her were plaguing his mind, tormenting him of his looming demise.

He knew that surely she will feel betrayed by his actions, both past and present. She will hate him, despise him even, she will wish for her time and innocence back.

If only life hadn't dealt him this hand. If only it was easier, no S.E.E.S and definitely none of this persona shit. A part of him felt that he was coming undone, unraveling at the seams. Ever since he met her he had felt his days had a wash of colour, a brightness and warmth he hadn't experienced in a very long time. Metaphorical dark clouds lifted from around him whenever she decided to barge into his personal space, wiggling her way so inelegantly into his heart. If things were different, he knew he would've done things properly. He would've taken her out, wooed her with kind words and even kinder intentions. Her smile would be reward enough for his efforts in a world where the only trouble he had to contend with was the other guys vying for her attention and love. Yet in the real world, he knew that he was going to be the one to steal that wonderful, bright smile from her because he allowed things to spiral out of control. Even if he dd decide to tell her of his feelings, the love which he held for her, would that make her future any easier to handle?

He occasionally allowed his mind to wonder, to imagine the wonderful possibilities of a simpler life with her by his side as his one and only. Maybe they would've become engaged a few years after she graduated high school. He'd work several shifts, slogging his ass off in a scorching hot kitchen, so he could present her with the prettiest ring he could possibly afford. She'd shyly accept his proposal and they'd spend the night together in each others arms watching some god awful movie. Perhaps they'd have to postpone their dream wedding as she would surprise him with a confession of being with child and he knew that the news would set his head spinning with a whirlwind of emotions. A son, a daughter, it wouldn't have mattered. He knew she would look radiant, heck, absolutely beautiful with a motherly glow to her. Uncle Junpei, or "Jumpy" as the kid would squeal, would insist on babysitting the miniature one. Occasionally the Uncle would ask him cheeky questions about could he possibly make something so adorable and so, so cute before concluding with a joke that the looks must have came from the Mother. He couldn't agree more. The child would most certainly inherit her eyes, burning with enthusiasm and wonder. Unfortunately, they'd also inherit his foul temper and potty mouth.

The thoughts pained him. Oh, how he wanted to make his thoughts, his dreams, a reality but he knew his time was coming to an end. Far too abruptly, he sighed to himself. The way everything was going before she waltzed into his life was perfectly fine but now...? He was leaving behind regrets and shattering dreams.

Would she mourn his passing?

Would she miss his comments, his scolding and attitude problems?

The weight on his chest stirred, crimson eyes sleepily peering open. As she gradually came to her senses, a smile curved on her lips and her cheeks warmed up as memories of what transpired between them earlier that evening came back to her. He managed to force a smile, betraying the emotions swelling within him. His heart was breaking. She was so innocent and he was going to be the one who would leave her bitter, twisted and it was agonizing.

"_I love you, Shinji." _


End file.
